Life should make us happy.
But apparently my does not. I do not want to speak English, I do not want to live with this cruel man. I am sick of listening to Ania. I am sick of listening people's boring stories, I am sick of living. Why the fuck I should wake up next morning if the life does not get better?
I wanted to go to Prospect High School. Here I am. Dilligent student, has almost all A. Here I fucking am. With no friends. (only those who annoy me). Overeating. Writing a fucking blog. Calling without any fucking happiness. Speaking with fucking fake gladness. Fuck.
 Everything is so fucked up. I hate the way I am living. But in order to live as Bart says, I need to do fucking shits that I dont want to. Why do I have to? Well, I do not have to. I don't have to anything. I can just go to sleep and don't care about anything. Ok, let's do it. No, because FUCK, I care!
 I care but what is coming out of my careness? Fucking nothing. I don't want to be like Bart. He is smart. He knows what he should do. But still, he does not have a life like he planned to.
And you know what I hate? That things that I used to love now I hate. I used to smile all day, now I cry all day. I cry, I am sad. Life is the most creep ever. I want to be myself. I want to have a life, freedom, love, happiness. I want to waste time. I want to laugh. But what I do now is not wasting time, doing what have to do. This is terrible. I feel like in prison. I don't want to live that way. I FUCKING don't want to!
I want to have a life outside the school. But Im inbetween again. I'm like this fucking ball which yesterday fell inbetween the wall and the pipe. It is awful.
 What I would do, now I have to do, and it feels terrible. Why me? What do you want from me, life? Why could not I go the easy way? Why could not I go path which would just make me happy.  I am such a looser. Really. Sadness seats in my eyes.
I had so many plans:
being actress, model, doctor, lawyer, journalist, TV presenter.. And now, I am going to be a bioFUCKINGmedical engineer? FUCK, life, I FUCKING hate you!

love is blind

I haven't written here for a while, because I was at camp. It was (beside holidays in us) my best vacation. Year ago at another camp wasn't so great even in half. There are many reasons. One of them are people; smart, funny and nice. (a great example is M, isn't hee?) Maybe food was worse but place to sleep was 1000 times better (houses are the best). I also loved singing workshops.The teacher was very creative and funny. I liked girls much... However, I missed M as hell. I don't know why I was so cold when I came.. I called it after-camp-depression. Now I have some time to say goodbye to my friends. Of course I will always love them, just like M...

how would sound the title of your life?

Life is amazing if you just let it to be. We have finally a nice weather, however it could be even better.  I haven't written here for some days. I just haven't had time, you know - boyfriend.I hope I will not ruin his life or break his heart. He says he loves me... I say I love him.. But we know each other not so long ; how could he love me for such a short period? I do not know. How I could love him for such a brief time? Ok, I am going to learn something and need to read, unless you want me to wither :x

everyone writes his book

Days go through and if you do not catch it, you will lose it. So live, like tomorrow would not be there.. As if it were your last day, last hours of being on this Earth Would you miss it? I think you would. I know you love watching waving ocean, listening to rain and dancing on my new Volvo... But I am not sure if you know how much I love you... Are you even listening? ... Why are you here? ... Are you listening?... God, I cannot live like this.
CHAPTER 1: THE CHANGE

flies can't give me sleep

Life is great. I love it in every single second. Today I am going to stay at M. I do not know if it is a good idea or not. Moreover, I have a period. Fuck, I need to go to the doctor with this. It cannot ruin my life. Besides this, I spend a lot of time with him and with my other friends. They are really awesome and I love them much. I am going to miss them all. They take up much place in my heart. However, they are living all the time and I am going to have them through my entire life, so situation is not critical. I plan to call to them once a week and write with them on facebook. I hope they understand me... Oh, and after being a month there, I am sending them a package with presents :))

thanksgiving

Hello, this is me, Bianca, again :) I'm writing here to inform you that I love my life. I have many so many blessings to thank for. Thank you, God, for my wonderful siblings, mum, dad, uncle, aunt; all family. Thank you for my mind. Thank you for my amazing friends. Thank you for my awesome boyfriend. I am so happy. I wake up with such a huge smile on my face. Today I'm NOT drinking, sorry friends. I promised my mum that I will not do it. I hope that you also have a fantastic day. I know you are somewhere there, no matter who or what you are.

oh wow!

Today I had a nice talk with K. When she's calm, she's really OK.Now I'm eating a sandwich and starting to play with English.Today I understood that I'm no the ONLY one,however; I'm the SPECIAL one :)