Life should make us happy.
But apparently my does not. I do not want to speak English, I do not want to live with this cruel man. I am sick of listening to Ania. I am sick of listening people's boring stories, I am sick of living. Why the fuck I should wake up next morning if the life does not get better?
I wanted to go to Prospect High School. Here I am. Dilligent student, has almost all A. Here I fucking am. With no friends. (only those who annoy me). Overeating. Writing a fucking blog. Calling without any fucking happiness. Speaking with fucking fake gladness. Fuck.
 Everything is so fucked up. I hate the way I am living. But in order to live as Bart says, I need to do fucking shits that I dont want to. Why do I have to? Well, I do not have to. I don't have to anything. I can just go to sleep and don't care about anything. Ok, let's do it. No, because FUCK, I care!
 I care but what is coming out of my careness? Fucking nothing. I don't want to be like Bart. He is smart. He knows what he should do. But still, he does not have a life like he planned to.
And you know what I hate? That things that I used to love now I hate. I used to smile all day, now I cry all day. I cry, I am sad. Life is the most creep ever. I want to be myself. I want to have a life, freedom, love, happiness. I want to waste time. I want to laugh. But what I do now is not wasting time, doing what have to do. This is terrible. I feel like in prison. I don't want to live that way. I FUCKING don't want to!
I want to have a life outside the school. But Im inbetween again. I'm like this fucking ball which yesterday fell inbetween the wall and the pipe. It is awful.
 What I would do, now I have to do, and it feels terrible. Why me? What do you want from me, life? Why could not I go the easy way? Why could not I go path which would just make me happy.  I am such a looser. Really. Sadness seats in my eyes.
I had so many plans:
being actress, model, doctor, lawyer, journalist, TV presenter.. And now, I am going to be a bioFUCKINGmedical engineer? FUCK, life, I FUCKING hate you!