love is blind

I haven't written here for a while, because I was at camp. It was (beside holidays in us) my best vacation. Year ago at another camp wasn't so great even in half. There are many reasons. One of them are people; smart, funny and nice. (a great example is M, isn't hee?) Maybe food was worse but place to sleep was 1000 times better (houses are the best). I also loved singing workshops.The teacher was very creative and funny. I liked girls much... However, I missed M as hell. I don't know why I was so cold when I came.. I called it after-camp-depression. Now I have some time to say goodbye to my friends. Of course I will always love them, just like M...

how would sound the title of your life?

Life is amazing if you just let it to be. We have finally a nice weather, however it could be even better.  I haven't written here for some days. I just haven't had time, you know - boyfriend.I hope I will not ruin his life or break his heart. He says he loves me... I say I love him.. But we know each other not so long ; how could he love me for such a short period? I do not know. How I could love him for such a brief time? Ok, I am going to learn something and need to read, unless you want me to wither :x

everyone writes his book

Days go through and if you do not catch it, you will lose it. So live, like tomorrow would not be there.. As if it were your last day, last hours of being on this Earth Would you miss it? I think you would. I know you love watching waving ocean, listening to rain and dancing on my new Volvo... But I am not sure if you know how much I love you... Are you even listening? ... Why are you here? ... Are you listening?... God, I cannot live like this.
CHAPTER 1: THE CHANGE

flies can't give me sleep

Life is great. I love it in every single second. Today I am going to stay at M. I do not know if it is a good idea or not. Moreover, I have a period. Fuck, I need to go to the doctor with this. It cannot ruin my life. Besides this, I spend a lot of time with him and with my other friends. They are really awesome and I love them much. I am going to miss them all. They take up much place in my heart. However, they are living all the time and I am going to have them through my entire life, so situation is not critical. I plan to call to them once a week and write with them on facebook. I hope they understand me... Oh, and after being a month there, I am sending them a package with presents :))

thanksgiving

Hello, this is me, Bianca, again :) I'm writing here to inform you that I love my life. I have many so many blessings to thank for. Thank you, God, for my wonderful siblings, mum, dad, uncle, aunt; all family. Thank you for my mind. Thank you for my amazing friends. Thank you for my awesome boyfriend. I am so happy. I wake up with such a huge smile on my face. Today I'm NOT drinking, sorry friends. I promised my mum that I will not do it. I hope that you also have a fantastic day. I know you are somewhere there, no matter who or what you are.

oh wow!

Today I had a nice talk with K. When she's calm, she's really OK.Now I'm eating a sandwich and starting to play with English.Today I understood that I'm no the ONLY one,however; I'm the SPECIAL one :)

I don't want to even think about it

Everything would be great but I am such an egoistic! I am such a cruel person. Help me,God, help me to choose the most correct decision. I need you right now! Give me a signal, please!

ice-scream

I did it. I ate a  lot of ice-creams. Oh god, nothing (besides M's tongue and water) will land in my mouth but god, it was delicious as !!! Oh, mmm,mmmm. Sundaes are so delicious. And now I am a happy man, but fat, mwhaha. Btw, ice creams are rather healthy in my opinion. <time to find out> Yes, they are. Ice creams are healthful; they cotain a lot of magnesium, raise one's spirit and they are not so caloric. Wow, I am so crazy <almost like a character of my book,pfle>. Guys, I seat too much on facebook, I'm going down and up, up and down.Haha, it's funny that we all found out about a boy who lives like 6 kilometers from us. It's all because of games! :)

sunshine

I haven't learned today much. Basically, I've made a little nothing :c However, A wrote to me! <sensation> He still remembers about me, how sweet. He even said: "I miss you :*" Oh no, I am going to cry.I waited for it for such a long time. Too bad that now I have a boyfriend. No, not too bad. I am really happy about that. Yesterday was nice, tomorrow is going to be even better. Just need to practise after school. It is going to be great?

horror night with M

I watched a great document about education (not only) in US. Of course I knew that schools just want to earn some much money on us and we live in the system.. However, for a long time I haven't thought about this. You know, I was learning and I just got into. Today I don't regret about that I learn. No, I am very glad that I do it and I think that it's a great thing. Whether schools want to earn by me or not; I want to be a well-informed man and I know that I am going to be :) I'll do some things and then M will come ^^ Are we a couple, are we? Are you going to make me even happier? And,oh, we're watching a horror :)

day at different places

Today I was with K to stow her papers. Then we went at secondhand. I bought for myself two books, two shirts and vans shoes ^^ Then we came back to school. I wrote a little with M. Tomorrow we are watching a horror :o I hope we're together. It would be so nice. K asked me if I was with M or A. Haha, A! I have never been with him, wtf. I know, I wanted, but.. Now I don't want dot I remained on SKS. After this I met W and we walked to his home. I chose a movie and listened to his music. At home I ate dinner and surfed the Net. Remember guys, love is in the air <3

close your eyes and kiss me

I need to state some things. Of course, insecure has its positive and sides, but we should know what we look for. If its just a short-time fun for him, I don't want to be a part of this. However, life is great and I am not going to take off a smile from my face :) Ha, and I just knew that it was going to happen. Today is going to be brilliant as always. I just want to know if I am in or out. I'm done.
       Ms. S was talking her story on a math. Now I know that she can't play chess, but her friend can and he does it very well. I also found out that she has taught in our school for over  20 years.Whoa, she's a good player. Ms. Pawlak in turn was telling us some stories about Germany  and world war second. I also have talked with K about M and about  my departure. Should I?

ha!

Mona, who's laughing now? Me! :)) It's from happiness. Things are really great. M :dd Sweet <3 Haha, it's funny that he bites me in my lips. Wow, life I love you. Hell hell yeah! Is everything real? Is it? Tomorrow I'm going at he's place. Gotta be great. How can I think rationally when my mind is to blow up? Ok, calm down, Bianca. Oh, I knew it, I knew it!! :dd Today let's talk about something light, which everybody likes. :p No, not this. There are many moments in our life when we shouldn't laugh. Of course, these we have little less, but it's a "must". For example at funerals we shouldn't make jokes, it would be inhumane and irrespective.  However, usually a man knows when what he should do. The thing is that many people are one of these lazybones. Are you one of them?

when things go further

I eat way too much. I sleep way too much. I exercise too little. I learn English too little. Ohmy! I should do so many important things, but some other matters have also to be completed.I need to start my ideal life. Things are really complicated and I have a period. I gotta open up! First of all, I am going to sleep. Bye, friends.

question of the day

I am doing fine. It's interesting, but my mentality is probably getting worse. We'll see. I am a little tired. Tomorrow is really important because I retake a test for A++ . I have to do it, please God, give me a chance, please! And tomorrow is the last day before trip, nice :d :d What am I doing, people? Will I ever get the answer? Who is crazy? Me or the whole world?

skeezering

wow, what a life, what a party! It was amazing, really amazing! Picnic was weak as always but then.. Me and D had the same feeling of too-much-being-sober. It came O, M, and M and it started. Then the rest joined us with A including! But he wasn't so interested (as I wanted) to me. He was but.. Oh, holly shit. But i think that if I tell him this, he will react properly. I hope so. We'll see with time. Everything comes with time.. but is it about time? NO! It is about the reaction. I need to learn, read and run/exercise, cause I'm going down. (Am I?) Ok. But why??? Hmm, ok, we got to live further and further... I trust that he though will understand me. He got to.. Wow and it was close to kiss the others. People pushed me away from boys, haha. I am such a molester :o Really. I desire that M an K won't talk about this whole situation. God, I am skeezering. And you, why are you doing with her? With her?!

i love it

Today was a really nice day :) I was in M1 with Martyna. It was very, very funny. I bought for myself a swimsuit, a sweatshirt and snickers. I like all things. I had to plan to sleep at Caroline's but it didn't work out. Oh, and the other Caroline brought me a sandwich to school, so so tasty. I love life, don't know how about you. It's just wonderful :> :* <3 muah!
But it's better if you do

fever

I don't know what exactly is going on. I have to think in English; think like an Englishman or American. I choose American but it is, or it w a s, nearly the same. As we all know, Americans origin from England. However; now Americans are like a badass version of UK. But, hmm, Uk isn't kind at all. Shit, what happens, I am weird as never.

I am so heavy

Mehehe, 3rd place, not so bad ^^ At least, a podium. I will learn English, then school and read some book. Order without principal matter. What about my heart news? Hmm. It's regenerating at the moment, thank God it wasn't broken, so surgery wasn't so serious. On Wednesday I'll probably visit my aunt, I hope so. I need to read some smart books. I need to talk like a smart, too ^^ but I'll add some humor.  In the opposite way, I will be brain-lacked :o Wow, A/O K is really smart and intelligent, I really do like him! But he.. God, you, desperate woman, what the .. are you talking about?! And that's why I really need those books. Tomorrow Tuesday welcomes you warmly. STOP! You're doing it again, think about NOW. Ok,ok.
  GAME IS OVER,
                                     YOU WON

now everything looks different

I haven't written for like 3 days :o I missed it. Blogspot, I love you! <3 I hope that tomorrow I finally get my phone. God, how long do I need to wait? :o You know that I'm not so patient, I'm an Aries. This week I did a lot of exercises, NICE! ^^ I just need to take the rest of test now. Oh, Today I started to realizing my ambitious plan. I want to make my mum slim and smart. I know that it's completely POSSIBLE, I just need to devote a lot of time. Whatever, I have to change her. Tomorrow contest, I hope it will be OK :) Gotta go, bye :*

I am always positive :>

magic moments happen when we close our eyes, stop think about who we are and start think about what we do. We get in so much that we don't want to stop this. And when the end is so close, that you know about it, we are sad. ( a little) With time we forget about sad things and start to live happily. I am happy, really I am :) I know that something good will happen in a few days ^^

: |

I fucking need you!

talk to me, baby

What can I say when all words were said and silent isn't also a good point? Shall I start another stupid conversation or shall I be quiet as this possessed man? I know I should talk. Ok, then talk the words sitting in your mind. Throw them away, let them fly, fly away. They need to be free. Even  when it's bad, talk to me, talk.. Talk to me when you smile, talk to me when you have the worst day in your life, talk to me if you have nothing interesting to say, talk to me when you want to have an address. Say, say that you love me, or hate me... Just talk, I wanna hear your voice.

finally a smile!

Today was such a nice day! A lot of learning, a lot of exercising, a lot of thin king. I also visited K. I am so glad that I was yesterday at O. She comforted me so much! Now I feel happy and fulfilled, well, without one SMALL thing. I will figure out something tomorrow or maybe not, we'll see. Now I'm going rest. ^^ goodnight! *__*  

stay healthy

Healthy way of living:
- sleep for 8 hours
- do some workout ; running, exercises etc
- eat properly: a lot of proteins, 5-6 meals per day, a lot of vegetables and fruits
- drink much water (2,3 liters per day)
- do your hobby
- learn and read
- love someone
- meet with people, have friends
 I guarantee that your life will be great! :)

What a day!

Oh man, so much happened, so much. But the funniest thing is that probably nothing will change so much tomorrow. I just say something nice to him, I will be shocked, then I'll smile. What's next.. I bought some new things... I need to learn sonnet 49 by William Shakespeare. I write shits on this blog, thank God that I don't do it on my second!

my dad is going to buy me this!

My dad is going to buy me SONY ERICSSON XPERIA X10 MINI PRO ~ yay! :d I'm so lucky. Weird things happen and it's getting me feel weirder a lot. Goddamnit. We'll see what will bring tomorrow. Sometimes is worse, but mostly tomorrow is better. Of course, it begins freaking beadly with "omg, i'm not waking up" but the it goes better and better and at the end of the day, you don't want to go sleep. Hm, that's weird too. Need to eat healthier. Nutrition is one of the MOST IMPORTANT thing in LIFE. To live long, we have to stay healthy. I'm going sleep, buy! *__*

what about... ?

Some people are really weird. I just don't get them. For example, I don't understand A. What the ... is he doing? He's really unfair to me. He shouldn't e so cold and hot for me; it  makes me crazy. He should have a contact with me. Ok, I'm talking and talking but probably it's my fault. I am really crazy but I love it.
                           Yesterday I was reading a prayer for like 800 people and I hadn't been stressed out. I have  a talent to public speeches. I know one thing: I am not afraid of living! I love world and world loves me. Thank you for attention, I love you! <3 <3

untakeitoutonen

I did it again and again and again. I'm inconsistent. I do what I want without looking forward.. and sometimes I ith really like this ^^ I need to meet with A and talk with him, without needless people. Only I and only he. What it would be? Wow,oh, I have too much testosterone and I'm so untakeitoutonen sexual :o

i'm so heavy in your arms

I can't be so withdrawn. At 4 PM I'm going somewhere. Whatever where... But I can't be also so.. you know... So I'll go for 2-3 hours. Where? A, if you just knew! Oh, if you just knew, what we could do? Oh, if you just knew, what we could do?... I know sad but I never give a damn about the weather and it never give a damn about me.. And so on.. Does he have a girlfriend? Why is he so withdrawn? Maybe he likes boys more :p No, he doesn't see any reason to do anything of this. Yup, stuck  :| But, we're gonna change it. For sure :d Everything will be dancing and singing. Meanwhile, what we can do is just meet with Paula (?) :)

situation is ... ?

This song is really amazing! <3
I'm wondering.. Why does she feel heavy in his arms? Is it because she cheated on him, maybe she has some secrets.. Or maybe she doesn't love him anymore? Maybe she feels that she doesn't love him anymore? Her love has just disappeared... Hmm, later I need to check the lyrics and I'll know. Today I was shopping with K and D. We were buying some food for my tomorrow party. It's going to be nice :d First, we'll eat the cake. Next we'll talk, listen to music blah blah blah... Then we'll go at meadows. We will la down a blanket and drink and talk. When it gets cold and dark, we'll get back home. I hope that nobody will yuck and get really fucked up... :)) But my mission is to drunk VV. When I do it, he'll tell me everything xd Nice plan, I know.  What about A... :o :o I am fucking confused :|

ohman :o

Today was amazing but if I get fat I'll cryy :[ I spent 3,5 awesome hours with K and an hour with O. First I thought that it will be boring ; she will talk how she's upset and I will have to comfort her. Fortunately, she is again with him and everything is ok. Now I need to learn English, German and English and everything will be perfectly good. Good evening *_*

love is in the air

I was thinking today that I haven't changed so much in my whole life. Of course, I grew up, became more responsible and matured. Now I am not afraid of ghosts, which is a big success for me. However, sometimes I still behave like a child, and I don't think that it's bad. We need to be creative and love like these little creatures <3 Today I will make a dinner, then I will learn English, learn to school and meet with Ola. We are going to do some nice handmade boxes. This morning I overslept a little bit. ACT tests makes me feel sleepy. They'll see! Maybe at evening I will append something :)
Wish you lovely day <3 :)

do I envy her?

Well, I don't think so. Today I haven't gone anywhere yet but I plan to do it. For the most of this morning I've been taking act tests. These one are not so easy as I expected to be. Especially that I don't understand a lot of words in English. Probably N is right. If I don't start use this language, I will say to strange people "English- No,no". Ok, fortunately easy conversations are still easy for me :) And I don't want to be in one class with Mexicans and Hindus. Grrr, terrible... Worse than worst...

today was a pretty day

I am sitting on my balcony. The weather is really nice. It is very warm, but little wind is cooling a man. Today I went to church. It was funny. Then I read a little of my favorite book: " Ziele na kraterze". I <3 it.  I was at my grandpas' grave and at ice creams. Then I tidied up and "fixed" my bike. I need to learn English now, eat a supper and read <3. It will be awesome. Tomorrow I'm going to my cousin. I like her and I know that it won't be a waste of time. It will be precious moment spent with nice and intelligent people. Have I told you that I love intelligent people? Probably no. What a shame. So, now I'm saying: I love gfsd

wisdom of Bianca C

I really don't like blogs about what the author has done today. It's so freaking boring and completely without sense. I mean; is it interesting - I'm bored. Today I spent 3 hours of listening to Metallica. Love you! - ? NO! hell no. Posts should be interesting, easy to read and they should make a little change in our lives. If you write that you ate chocolate, trust me, most of people are just incurious.
  I feel something bitter in my throat. It's because of you! Hmm, tomorrow I'm gonna change it. I just NEED to change it. Life isn't hard.. It's just fucking complicated. You have to choose which one is better even if you don't know benefits and losses. My wisdoms are really precious, appreciate it! :d

pretty much it

love is wonderful. This is what I've written and thought but I wanted to write life. Life and love are a little bit similar. Something it's with it. Life,love, love,life.. Life would be terrible without love. Love is  sensitive as a leaf of a flower, as a gently kiss.. When lips are crushing on lips... When tongues are dancing a ballet... and there's no time. You cannot think about weather, school, friends.. You just think about the taste, smell, touch.. and you love it. Is there something more pleasurable? Maybe sport or sex (this I actually didn't try. I'm just saying what I've heard). Mmmmmmm.... Fantasizing makes me so relaxed and much happier and calmer. Hmm, hmm. Tonight, after jogging I need to talk with M about school. I feel that we could be good friends. Really! 

Well, I wouldn't mind if you just kissed me till I'm dead

I am mental, it's scientifically proven. :o How can I think all day about a person who probably even don't like me. Ok, I'm just saying that. I know that he likes me. The thing is that I don't know HOW MUCH he likes me. I don't know we he doesn't want to meet with me. I don't I know why I do not say much about him. I am not sure if he is dating with me. If I knew that, I would talk about him every night and day. If we meet, I would also be happier. Oh, I'm so stupid. God, emotions has such a big influence for my life. Hmm, but actually I love them. They're really great if they're positive. Bad feelings are also not bad if they have a good ending.

Bianca wishes you good luck

I am a little bit tired, but I have to learn English without any exception. (that's right!). Today we will talk about music. A lot of  >>true<< music fans are convinced that only metal is true. I think that it's a completely bullshit. We cannot say that only one type of music is really great. I really like listen to metal but, c'mon, it's depressing. It's way nicer to listen for example panic! at the disco or arctic monkeys. They're much positiver. I also like more vocalists from "normal" bands. I hate this screaaaaaming. However, I have to admit that melody in metal songs is f******g awesome!! Everyone has his opinion; I don't try to change them, but only prompt to think about it. Have a nice day, and even better night ^^

life just CANNOT be so cruel. I believe in all good things

To be a member of Prospect High School, I need to take a special exam. If my performance will be bad, they will not accept me to their school. Then, I would go to Glenbork (or something else) with Hindus. ( and their level is also lower). It would be terrible, gosh. That's why I NEED TO LEARN English. I need to write and write long and well.I also need to read my book, take exams and learn by heart many of words. I can be so dumb at the beginning. That's why I need to change my style of writing on this blog. Maybe I will write
assess- means to evaluate proficiency- profession validate- validate a ticket, legalize
        What do you think about Blackberry 8520? I think that it would be a great present for me from my dad ^^

vices&virtues

All people have their vices and virtues. Some of us love sexual adventures or they simply can't stop eating. However, at the same time they have their maps and rules which they try to uphold and not to omit. My virtue is to not have sex until I get married. I want to feel clear and nice. Of course, there's a LITTLE possibility that my plan will not work out. But this is what virtues are for. They need to direct our minds in a specific way. We are making an invisible path and we are AT LEAST trying to go on its way.
    The point is that wee need BOTH; vices and virtues. They BOTH help us in our lives. Thet BOTH direct us to go our ways. If we didn't have vices, we wouldn't know that a human can be both good and evil. We cou;dn't know how something tastes sweet or b i t t e r. We couldn't be so happy, because we hadn't have opportunity to cry. However, virtues can give us satisfaction of being good, and only them can make us really, really glad. Virtues also can give us inner peace.
   So, keep us many virtues as you can, but don't give up after some vices, they are also needed!

you're charming, don't you know?

Sometimes I am really glad that actually nobody reads this blog. Now I can write some interesting things. At first, I'm doing gooooooooood. At second, mhm mrrrr... and everything is clear... No, but honestly, it's nice and colorful. We will see with every single day how situation changes. But hmmmm... I'm not quite sure... However, I am not going to challenge this. I have somebody to hug and I like it, I really do. It's so sweet and charming. Today I will listen to the Beatles, what do you think about it? I know, you agree with me; intuition.
                Oh, I have written so little but I feel like I've done more. Maybe it's because I abstracted half of my day in three words? Uhm, probably. Ok, I am going for a supper. Wooohooo! Peace& LOVE

Today was less active but still good

Oh god, today I ate so much, that you can't even imagine. Why? I did it everything because I was hungry and I had a great appetite. Today I will learn to school and other shits. God, I would eat something again. Haha, my huge hunger is still sitting in my stomach. Maybe I am not even hungry. Maybe I have nothing to think and I think about food. It's very probably. Ok, I need to think about something nice. Oh, I got it. What I would do if I ... mmm, that's nice. Yesterday I was thinking a little bit about my future; saying specific: about my future job, the way I will help people. This choice is very important. My work will certainly have a great influence of the way of my thinking and looking at world. It will also change my temper; maybe I will be calmer... NO! :d I am thinking about: * medicine * engineering * law * chemistry
Hmm, it's very hard to choose only one. We'll see :)

at least I do what I should do

It took me few days to recover and get back to normal. Now I'm totally fine.
   What's new? Well, I started to listen to Metallica. I was always thinking that Metallica is a metal band with old grandpas. Haha, I was mistaken. They're not even so old. What's more. They have great music, really great I also admire the vocal. Everything is what I like best: nice vocal and interesting melody. But Panic... will always be very special to me :p
Yesterday I  started to watch "seven pounds", today and tomorrow I will end it. I think that the main character is very unusual, we'll see with time what is the film all about.
I'm getting fat :c I mean, my weight is still 48kg but... My legs are terrible. I only like them with high-heels or platform shoes.
I have really nothing interesting to write. Maybe I will just say bay. Bay.

oh, if you just knew! :o

Whoa, I've been in a hospital. Nice adventure, don't you think so? All because of food poisoning or something, phi! For the first time I had an i.v. it wasn't so bad as I supposed, actually it made me stronger and I appreciate this.
    Today W told me a really nice story! (really). From then, my opinion about one of my classmates has changed. She is a  s****, seriously. How she could tract him like that? Doesn't she have any heart?
                      What's better, today we had pictures to school. Ohmy! L is terribly handsome, moreover; he is tall and very, very slim. He's a lucky. No, I'm not jealous, I wish him good, good luck! :)
Finally home, I'm glad for this. Of course, my first impression when I came home was like: Oh, it's so, so dirty here. Gotta clean up here!
   I'm certainly sure that my breadbasket has dancing skills. If it hadn't, it wouldn't have danced waltz!

what a beautiful morning

I started to eat breakfast again :) Maybe it is really more healthful. I also do exercises and drink a lot of water. I need to be on fresh air, and then everything would be all right. Today will be day of resting, studying, eating, smiling and exercises. If I have some time, I will try to meet with Ola. It would be great.
                   Yesterday I was at concert of Violent Display. I think that it was OK, just like I supposed to be; yelling to microphone and dancing pogo. Only one thing has surprised me; K said that my look has changed. Probably he is right. I see myself everyday, so I have not noticed any change. Let's hope it was a g o o d change. I have almost forgotten that O was so pushy to me. When I came back I learned a little bit and did some exercises, I am proud of myself that I did not give up.
                                                                                  From few days I have read a lot. I have chosen mainly books of M. Musierowicz ( yesterday I have just ended her third novel). Today I am going to start "Ferdydurke" , I think it is going to be also great.

       I am a good kid since New Year. You see, my method is working. If you start to be a little bad, (but your soul is good) then you will want to be good. Now I am a really nice and happy kid and I just love it. My conscience is so clear without counting few thoughts.
                         I am going to end my note, because I will start to do some mock exams. I wish you a very nice and happy day!

-.-

I am not a typical person ( it's scientifically  proven) and I looove it! <3 Well, what can I write about? Blog is about my thoughts and emotions. The first one; hmm, my main emotion is to kill h i m! I hate him! He huggs to every girl in school, little fucker! I wasted time for him, no I didn't. Oh, myyyy! If I could only be a volcano in my future, I certainly would be. I can explode as hell. (it's scientifically proven) I love my life, but I live too much in a loneliness and I don't like it. I also don't like it when I'm unkind for someone. I should waste my energy. Tomorrow - time with sister. Saturday- concert (?). Sunday- Ola(?) And again monday. Not that I don't like school. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.Hmm.
I've made this blog to improve my English. However, I'm writing some bullshits, I know. I need something or someone or I don't know what. Off-center psyche.

well, I am a madman

I am a girl who you will never meet in your life. I am unusual as hell (or maybe it is my imagination). I love people and love is my life. But sometimes I am such a pussy. Oh no,no,no, no! And a little bit closed, sometimes. Oh god, oh goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood! I should write things with more sense. I should. I probably write now like an idiot with power of emotion. I know I SHOULD NOT write with so much emotions. I should be calmer. Smarert. More girlish. But i do NOT want to. That's it. Dottt! Oh, I am such a PoKeMoN! ~~ +-+

hello, it's me again!

I need to read more! I really need to! Reading is my supermegapassion, trust me. When I read, nothing really matters. Hmm, what I can write about in t h i s note. Maybe I will write about my mum? Nobody asks you :p
                My mum is my great, lovely mummy! Despite I am often rude for her, she is always good to me. She would do a n y t h i n g for me, because she loves me very much. Well, not only me, but the rest of my siblings also (:
              Her name is Alice. Somehow, she reminds me Alice from "Alice in a wonderland". No, not from look but just because of her temper.
My Alice isn't really pretty. She was the prettiest girl in the city but after unsuccessful marriage, she got fat and ,mhm, she stopped to take care of herself. That's right; my mum isn't pretty as most of normal mums. However, she has something nice in her soul, because every mate or my friend likes her. Maybe that's because she is a very kind person. She always smiles and talks to my friends. She also likes when they come to my home. I think that she thinks then that her life isn't bad at all. She has friends at home. Oh, I love my mom! Even besides all her disadvantages (she has them a loooot!). Sleeping all day, overeating, making messes are only few one, only few.
I love her even in spite of her scare of world. I do not know what she is afraid of... Ok, I know. World had hurt her, that's why she gave up. But, oh my! People had been more hurt on this world, a lot more! She was also mental. Not so funny. Everybody yells at her (me too) but it doesn't work. Nothing doesn't work.... but i love her.

I've got a pocket full of happypills

I finally opened my coursework and started to learn English. I almost forgot that I supposed to study English. How could I? I know, it is a terribly shame. However; I am working on it and hope that it is not going to suck at all in US. Haha, is going to be funny :d What is the day today? Hmm, 20th of March. April is coming, slowly but it is! I am so glad. I need to say about how I spend money from my scholarship. On my clothes! :p I bought sweater, t-shirt and pants but I am also going to buy boiler suit, ballerinas and a belt ^^ From scientific things I will buy: games, cds, books and pens, pencils etc. Wonderfuul! :))
Ok, now I will say, how I am so happy that I live. I love my life so much. Really! It is going great. Oh, and tomorrow I need to meet him, cause I am missing my little crazyman *.*

I am a better man!

If you read, your life completely changes. Why? Because you discover beautiful things in boring. For example you claim that history is really uninteresting. When you read some historical books, your opinion usually changes. By reading, everything take in magic and it's wonderful! It also makes you more intelligent. Haha :x I love doing it. When I read, I fall into another world and completely forget my name. The same is with maths. When I start to think, I don't want to even think about the end. Yep, beginnings are always the most difficult. We just have to break them and go on. That's at least in my case :d
Life is wonderful. It is really nice to feel gratefulness for our lives in every second. Now I really do. I want to live and I love to live. Thank you, A. Even when you don't do much  at all, you helped me. Now I want to live and kiss you. However, I hate that I miss you even after 2 minutes.  Oh, I know, I sound childish. Like a little stupid kid. I am really interested in what you think about me. Do you think  about me? Tell me, I want to hear it. I want to hear that you need me and you love me. It would be more than beautiful!

forget about it, kiss me!

Today nothing happened. It was a nice day, nothing more. Ok, we had proof exams from English, nothing more. But what the fuck I want? Life is as it is. If you want to be good at something you need to do it day by day through years... And for time to time you hang out with friends or something. If you do it everyday, you would be bored even of parties. Parties are so special just because they are threw not so often. The same is with kissessssss. Muahhhhhh, muahhhhhh, muaahhhhhh. Aha, nice!

If you have it, you will never want to lose it!

This day was a FUCKING day! :d :d It finally happened what it was to happen.  However, I'm a little bit disappointed. It should happen in another way. More romantic and more spontaneous. He also should be more commitment! Probably I don't adore him :c Ok, this wouldn't be a great relationship, I think. It would rather suck. But in some another way, it was wooohooo! Oh, I don't know. Next time it won't be my turn. Definitely! What's more; Pauline were laying on my bed with her boyfriend as always. Life is wonderful, really! You just have to have some reasons and friends to live!

awersgbkjgrgtseryil;kjhgfds

Fuck! I need to do something right now, in the opposite way, I will go nuts! No jokes. My life is a shit. Shit, shit, shit! Just sleeping, learning, reading and cleaning. Oh my, and that's almost it! It can't be! I need to do something that I love, but not in a passive way. I need to actively do something. Sport? Ok, it's getting warmer. Ok, ok. Soccer? Ok,ok. I need to work at my English and also at my exercises. However, this time, my plan looks different. I will not push myself. I will just do it. WHO IS THE MAN? :d I am such a little kid. I am not so perfect as I thought. However, I appreciate and love myself <3 Oh, and not in a bumptious/egoistic way. In a good healthful way. I am going crazy, guys! Call the doctor,call!

we love things we hate, don't we?

Of course we do! God, hate is such a close emotion to love! If we hate something ans then try to love, our love is even stronger. That's right; hate increases love. It's my personal theory. Actually, you don't have to believe it. God, I wish I had some interesting topics to write. I mean, sure  I could write right here 1000 words about hmm, for example war, but I'm so fed up with doing this and writing. Writing at school, writing at home, thinking, doing. Not that I don't like it! I love it, I really do! I am just tired right now. Ok, my life is not interesting. If my dad were a millionaire and mum were a beauty, it would be different. Haha, it would suck. And I am stuck. You'll see! It's all about things that I do because I SHOULD do it and I would just feel bad if I didn't. That's my soul. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it; and if I hate it, I love it even more! I do not how I do it, but I live in my created world and nothing can touch me. How lovely! I like it. Mmm, facebook- social network. Oh, guys. I need to kiss him this Friday. This, not the other one! mehehe ^^
Full fun

Why do we live?

Every person in this world has different values and preferences. Every one has different thoughts and purposes. A mankind is very specific. We cannot say that a man is hardworking because it depends from every person. We also cannot say that our main idea is to raise kids. Independently that from scientific this statement is true, our personal plans may differ. We, people, decide which qualities are the most important in our life.
                                                                                   Some of us, like mother Teresa from Calcutta or polish Pope John Paul II, devote our lives to donate love to others. We live to love and every day is a new day to share this wonderful feeling. Saying love I do not mean physical love or shallow feeling. In my opinion love is a strong emotion of respect, joy, patience, kindness and faithfulness. These people who point by love, they try to help others with their problems. They are altruists and they also think that others benefits are more important that theirs. We differ five types of love:
Caritas
Eros
Philia
Agapē
Storge
Thelema
                                Another thing that we live for is job or to complete our purpose. Most of people of success and fame either businessmen point by this. WILL BE CONTINUED

ohmy

It is not that I am lazy...
Ok, I am fucking lazy. But I just cannot help it that these all less important things are more interesting. For example; now I could ,mhm, learn to my AS (American School) but I could also listen to music, play guitar or just read some book. However; maybe if we throw away all these little things, we will become better people. Maybe that is the key (?) But god; why is it like this? Why I am not focused enough to think about my future career but I can easily think about something silly. My balance between important and unimportant things is definitely faltering. Ok, now I need to tidy up my mind and do what I should do;
*learn to AS
*learn to sql
* do exercises
* take a shower and go sleep
I should also write longer. My thoughts are not so deep. It cannot be! Maybe that is how I think in "English/American" way?
fuckkk

I hate you!

I hate you with all my heart. You tract me like a slut. You are the most evil person I have ever met. You disgust me. You are a person with no feelings and no soul. I cannot stand this anymore. You always destroy my beautiful day. Why are you so unkind, mother fucker? Oh, and I hate it when you change your moods. Once you are polite, once you are a total mother fucker. My live needs a change. I will change!

my mind was taken from this world and right now it is in heaven

I need to do something cause I am going crazy! Really.

how hurting tooth can change a good mood + am I turning on evil? O.o

Finally I was at dentist's. Wonderful, I do not feel pain in my tooth! ^^ What I want to say today. Well, at first I encourage you to visit your dentist pretty often, haha ;p Now I want to write something about me and me "turning on bad". Art teacher said me today that I was always quiet, patient and smart but now I am turning on bad. Bullshit. She didn't know me. There is a falsehood in packing. She probably had me as a typical no-life nerdy student. Haha, she wished. I am very different. And I do not want to be completely normal. Being a typical teenager is fucked up. So I am still the same Bianca. I mean, I think so. Maybe a little influence have on me boys from my class. I fucking don't know why but they tract me something like unkind but in a good way. It is not so easy to precise it. Today I had a really funny incident with an extinguisher  :o
Oh, and have been late for 2 lessons. mhm ;x

live after love after oooouaaaa my tooth

What is the most interesting thing that I have done today? Well, my tooth is hurting. Ta-da! Sounds amazing, doesn't it? But what the fuck could I do? I need to learn to my school, learn to my American school, do some exercises and practice my guitar playing skills (ha, which I do not have). For like one hour per day I am also on facebook, lookbook etc. just to know news. It is my daily routine. Obviously, I go out when its warmer. However; now it is winter and I really do not like it. FTW. Not that that is boring. It is rather than I have to do these all things alone (my siblings are in USA) and when you wake up alone, having no one to talk to even say "what a beautiful day" it sucks. What about my mum who lives with me? Well, she is just like it was not her. Obviously we talk etc but she fucking sleeps all day when she does not work.  Lovely.
Apropos love. It is Valentine's Day. I do not have any valentine (haha except my best friend) but I love this day. We can especially show that we do care and we do love. I personally do not like it when someone says that she/he hates Valentine. There could be only two reasons;
- she/ he is ugly
- she/ he is single or separated
That is how it works. Ok, I am going to play guitar. Wait a while ;p
fuck

skins

This weekend passed unbelievable quickly. Most of my free time I spent on watching "Skins". "Skins" is a British  drama about some teenagers with typical for teenagers problems. Homosexuality, eating disorders, falling in love, kissing, having sex blah blah blah. Maybe it sounds a little bit silly but I love this show and I find it awesome! I warmly encourage you to watch this. It is worth!

about living and pretending that we live

What are four things that you need to overrun to be happy?

1. Eating

2. Sleeping

3. Physical activity

4. Love to others
   When you add them to one whole= you have great basics to live, not just pretending that you live.
*-*-*-*
Now I will write about my horrible jealousy. As you know, I am very impulsive and my humor depends from emotions, ( well, not always). Today my luckiness had a rest or I fucking don't know what.  I wrote amazing essay but jury was so fucking uneducated that they would rather give a prize for some novel about shitty love. (and they did)
Fucking injustice. Morons.  Fucking retards. Mother fuckers. bitches.
Ok, now I feel a sight better. I know I should just shrug my shoulders, but I can't :c
I am too pettish about a honor, especially main. Now this situation left me some questions. Is it my fault or is it jury's fault? Was it fair or unfair? Well, life will show. Ok, now there's wayyy too much hate in my biiig and warm heart. I need to feel about something smexy. But, fuck, what? I should make another blog and start writing something with more sense. Not some stupid things that trash my brain. But damn shit, what?
music, sport, fashion, lifestyle? uhh

teenage dream

Melancholy- what an awful feeling- kills me from inside. Well, it's great that I have super-extra grades, it's great to have funny friends, play volleyball and football. Great.. Maybe I'm just tired (probably yes) or maybe I'm sick of all these things. I mean it's not so bad, maybe I'm just tired.... But I also know that I try (sometimes it doesn't work) to go by my daily routine and nothing interesting happens. Well there are many amazing things. I'll give you an example; when I laugh, only my lips laugh, my soul is calm and sad a little bit. Is it because of my none love-to-guy life? Maybe. I want to kiss all the time, be dozy, but have so much energy in my heart that sleep will not be necessary. I want to do my lessons with love and rush, just to end it, and come up to meet you and tell you how much I missed you and how much I love you. I know it sounds cheesy and sort of a cheap bullshit, but .... Oh, that's my mood and I'm not gonna to plead. I hate it that I don't have boyfriend. It totally sucks. Maybe it would be better just to kiss and laugh but to have not-so-ideal boyfriend. Maybe... I want to hear from his lips a whispering to my ear, saying :" darling, you're special. I love you." Oh, God, it would be freaking fucking awesome. Maybe then I could say: " I choked by the influence of wind". Maybe then I had a power to live better, faster, stronger.
I should read some books to escape from reality but I'm not sure is escaping a good way to solve some problems, probably not.
It's silly.
Why my notes are so short? :c

about a day that I am glad to live

I love so much my moods that I hate them. I am a person with a volcano of emotions, probably. Now I laugh, then I can cry, and then be jealous. Plus: I am a woman, haha. It makes this issue even more complicated. I do not why I am so moody. Or maybe I do know. Maybe I want to keep this temper. Hmm, probably yes. I want to be spontaneous, a little bit crazy and moody. I do not want to be boring, so changing my mood, I change a situation in which I am, and it also makes it more interesting. I hope you get it. When I am usually happy? When I feel love to everybody and everything, either when I did everything great that I should do.Huh, I almost forgot! I love being relaxed after some hours of sleeping. But this day was a day that I loved. I know that it could be 100 times better, but it was good enough to say that I am glad that I live. I really am. My happiness is measureless. What was a key to my happiness?
Well, nothing special at all.
  I slept well, I ate little, I did all the things I should, I got A :) But I know that tomorrow is going to be even better because some volunteers from Spain and Hungary (?) will come with a visit to my school.
What can I also say? Well, it is unlike to me that I have nothing to write. This is why I will write something about Spain and Hungary. I will teach something you and myself.
Or maybe not.. Haha, I only read this. I am not gonna write this. Because of my laziness? Oh, maybe, maybe. But probably I wanted to write how pretty day I had and how life is wonderful. Tomorrow I will write about something else. :))

                                          

Dear God,

do you even exist? I am not so sure about it. It is just stupid to believe in something like "God" in XXI century. Why it would be so? For some questions I cannot answer and this is one of these. As a well-educated teenager it is stupid to think that there is a man called "God". That is why I think that "god" is a sort of energy which is everywhere. This is what I think God is. Personally, I do not think that there is an afterlife. It is just stupid.In my opinion, we, people, are just high-developed kind of animals. Our bodies are created from the best cells in the world. Our brain is the most effective brain in Universe. We have our culture, science, entertainments and sports (also the most beautiful emotion- LOVE). These are what we can propose to Universe. It is a lot, in my opinion. However; we have to take account that we needed thousands years to improve and shape our skills. So where is a place for God in this world? First of all, let's see closer to "God".  Greeks and Athenians believed in hundreds of Gods. It was part of their culture. Then, with time, it was a tendency to believe in one God, which.... blah, blah, blah- it is boring.
You know what?  I claim that God is a God and that is a clue. He does exist! I am almost sure about it. Where is the hook? God is something that we cannot describe. God is something that we feel everywhere. God is.. God is something like a value. For everyone is something different. There are plenty of religions. Different people cannot have the same opinion for the same thing. God is what we believe in and it does not really matter what is this! It is important to just believe! We cannot see it, we cannot touch it, we cannot smell it, actually, it is a thing that we cannot perceive with our senses. We have to measureless believe, giving our heart and soul, in what we think he is. God is like part of us. Maybe all the people, animals and nature are the God! Who knows. The bible is read and interpreted by some many ways. It is your choice to choose which one you do believe.
So, I think that God is like a universe; extensive, unknown, but you have to be positive in all possible ways and >>live<< (believe).  What/ who do you think God is? You do not have to to keep straight religion. Hm, why we have to belong to some group? Because it is easier? Wouldn't be better if we had our own thoughts and feelings to God? Why do we have to believe in something that others taught us? Can we remonstrate, is it proper? What do you think about pretending that we believe in something? It is also YOUR God. Who/ what is he in your opinion? Please, answer :)

oh holly shit

Fuck! In the first try of writing my newest note I started to describing what I did today. It's horrible! I hate write like this. Oh, my sweet mommy, what is goooing on with me? Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I should sleep. Or maybe I should do something other. God, I'm so lazy since some time. It scares me. I also eat a lot and sleep a lot, which either don't make me proud of myself.I am tired. My eyes are closing I need some time to relax. I will end this note tomorrow! Mark my words 07.02.2011 haha, or not.

simple pretty day

Hey. Today was pretty lovely. I wasn't late for school. And my own tutor lent me some money which I didn't have because of me and my mum. Actually, it was more my fault. Whatever. I came to school maybe 1-2 minutes before teacher (awesome!) and in the middle of second lesson I went to my dentist and again came back to school. How is it in my school? Well, the atmosphere is nice and kind, everybody laugh and we just chill on breaks. I'm really happy that I chose this one school. I think that it's great! When I was finally home, I ate a delicious dinner. After this, I did my homework and went sleep. Oh, no! Sorry I forgot that to my mum came with a visit her friend and I just HAD TO listen music to survive. She is stupid (in intellectual sense) as my mum. I didn't want to hear these bullshits. But then I went sleep.When I woke up, I  played guitar, did some exercises, took a shower and learn geography. Pretty fucked up day as I see now. No, it was fine. it wasn't, was, wasn't ? Whatever. I need to straighten out my life and a thing with sleeping. My plan:

This is how i see some things for next few months.Now I'm going to sleep again to write well my geography test tomorrow.Btw, I started to read Einstein's work. Interesting and i like it. What can I say more? Well, I go on facebook so many times per day. *insanity* In this week i did NOT put into learn to American school. Bianca, go on! Ok, gotta go sleep.

My life is boring! Sounds enough desperated?

I do not know what the heck is happening to myself. I am acting very strange and weird. I would even dare to say: my life is a typical life of a teenage girl.*I do not like it* Actually, i hate it. Since I was a kid I dreamed to live in a fairy-tale. Well, not exactly in a fairy-tale. Correcting myself; since I was a kid I dreamed to have a life just like in a typical American movie. Have you ever wanted to have that? Maybe sometimes is really similar to a movie but... Oh, I do not know. Excuse me,  ladies and gentlemen, but my mind is broken. It will be fixed tomorrow day.(nobody knows why tomorrow O.o) OK, so I start to behave like a sw33t teenage "gurl". Fucking awesome. -.-
        Why do I think so? The answer is right in a title. I find my life is boring. What could be worse? I hate it that I even think so. Especially, that I have almost everything I have ever wondered. Of course, I would like to have a boyfriend but my polish personality just does not pass to it. It will work in USA. However; to my moving I have to wait 6 months, which is half a year. Farther, I need to study 2 hours per day, do exercise for 30 minutes per day,learn English 2 hours per day and play guitar 1,2 hours per day. Ok, these things are cool. I really love to doing it but I just cannot stand this constant manner. I am impulsive person and I like to do it in my way.
                                      Now, when I complained I feel like a dork! I really want to do these things, really. Oh, how I love this flutter of energy. I am a moody person, really. Once I am happy, five minutes later I am sad, then I feel guilty, then I am veeeery happy and then I just feel tired of changing my moods.
                                                        Oh, God. There is such a mess in my brain. I need to relax.
I even draw an ugly picture!

5 minutes later.
I have just finished to listen relaxing music. I feel more calm. Better.

Now I see it clearly. Fuck, I do not see anything!   I see it clearly, my life is great and my future is going to be even better.  Now I need just to do my homework, play a guitar and do exercises and other stuff.

However, before I end my non-attractive note, I want to consider some ideas to make my life better.
Well, to my brain full of nonsense come some ideas:
* start to paint; whatever what. First we need to try, right?
* start to writing/ reading poems
* ehm, drink Coke at school? mm, fun!
* record me playing guitar
* taking photos
* singing
* making advanced maths

Right above we can see a list of things that I find interesting but I do it not so often, because I think that they are useless. OK, Bianca, maybe they are useless, maybe millions of teenagers do it, but what? We are talking about you, Bianca! Not about someone other.
                                                                          How I love talking/writing to myself. Lovely.
I do not know why I am so moody today; maybe that is because I have period. FTW!
                                                                                                                      lovelovelovelovelovelove