we love things we hate, don't we?

Of course we do! God, hate is such a close emotion to love! If we hate something ans then try to love, our love is even stronger. That's right; hate increases love. It's my personal theory. Actually, you don't have to believe it. God, I wish I had some interesting topics to write. I mean, sure  I could write right here 1000 words about hmm, for example war, but I'm so fed up with doing this and writing. Writing at school, writing at home, thinking, doing. Not that I don't like it! I love it, I really do! I am just tired right now. Ok, my life is not interesting. If my dad were a millionaire and mum were a beauty, it would be different. Haha, it would suck. And I am stuck. You'll see! It's all about things that I do because I SHOULD do it and I would just feel bad if I didn't. That's my soul. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it; and if I hate it, I love it even more! I do not how I do it, but I live in my created world and nothing can touch me. How lovely! I like it. Mmm, facebook- social network. Oh, guys. I need to kiss him this Friday. This, not the other one! mehehe ^^
Full fun

Why do we live?

Every person in this world has different values and preferences. Every one has different thoughts and purposes. A mankind is very specific. We cannot say that a man is hardworking because it depends from every person. We also cannot say that our main idea is to raise kids. Independently that from scientific this statement is true, our personal plans may differ. We, people, decide which qualities are the most important in our life.
                                                                                   Some of us, like mother Teresa from Calcutta or polish Pope John Paul II, devote our lives to donate love to others. We live to love and every day is a new day to share this wonderful feeling. Saying love I do not mean physical love or shallow feeling. In my opinion love is a strong emotion of respect, joy, patience, kindness and faithfulness. These people who point by love, they try to help others with their problems. They are altruists and they also think that others benefits are more important that theirs. We differ five types of love:
Caritas
Eros
Philia
Agapē
Storge
Thelema
                                Another thing that we live for is job or to complete our purpose. Most of people of success and fame either businessmen point by this. WILL BE CONTINUED

ohmy

It is not that I am lazy...
Ok, I am fucking lazy. But I just cannot help it that these all less important things are more interesting. For example; now I could ,mhm, learn to my AS (American School) but I could also listen to music, play guitar or just read some book. However; maybe if we throw away all these little things, we will become better people. Maybe that is the key (?) But god; why is it like this? Why I am not focused enough to think about my future career but I can easily think about something silly. My balance between important and unimportant things is definitely faltering. Ok, now I need to tidy up my mind and do what I should do;
*learn to AS
*learn to sql
* do exercises
* take a shower and go sleep
I should also write longer. My thoughts are not so deep. It cannot be! Maybe that is how I think in "English/American" way?
fuckkk

I hate you!

I hate you with all my heart. You tract me like a slut. You are the most evil person I have ever met. You disgust me. You are a person with no feelings and no soul. I cannot stand this anymore. You always destroy my beautiful day. Why are you so unkind, mother fucker? Oh, and I hate it when you change your moods. Once you are polite, once you are a total mother fucker. My live needs a change. I will change!

my mind was taken from this world and right now it is in heaven

I need to do something cause I am going crazy! Really.

how hurting tooth can change a good mood + am I turning on evil? O.o

Finally I was at dentist's. Wonderful, I do not feel pain in my tooth! ^^ What I want to say today. Well, at first I encourage you to visit your dentist pretty often, haha ;p Now I want to write something about me and me "turning on bad". Art teacher said me today that I was always quiet, patient and smart but now I am turning on bad. Bullshit. She didn't know me. There is a falsehood in packing. She probably had me as a typical no-life nerdy student. Haha, she wished. I am very different. And I do not want to be completely normal. Being a typical teenager is fucked up. So I am still the same Bianca. I mean, I think so. Maybe a little influence have on me boys from my class. I fucking don't know why but they tract me something like unkind but in a good way. It is not so easy to precise it. Today I had a really funny incident with an extinguisher  :o
Oh, and have been late for 2 lessons. mhm ;x

live after love after oooouaaaa my tooth

What is the most interesting thing that I have done today? Well, my tooth is hurting. Ta-da! Sounds amazing, doesn't it? But what the fuck could I do? I need to learn to my school, learn to my American school, do some exercises and practice my guitar playing skills (ha, which I do not have). For like one hour per day I am also on facebook, lookbook etc. just to know news. It is my daily routine. Obviously, I go out when its warmer. However; now it is winter and I really do not like it. FTW. Not that that is boring. It is rather than I have to do these all things alone (my siblings are in USA) and when you wake up alone, having no one to talk to even say "what a beautiful day" it sucks. What about my mum who lives with me? Well, she is just like it was not her. Obviously we talk etc but she fucking sleeps all day when she does not work.  Lovely.
Apropos love. It is Valentine's Day. I do not have any valentine (haha except my best friend) but I love this day. We can especially show that we do care and we do love. I personally do not like it when someone says that she/he hates Valentine. There could be only two reasons;
- she/ he is ugly
- she/ he is single or separated
That is how it works. Ok, I am going to play guitar. Wait a while ;p
fuck

skins

This weekend passed unbelievable quickly. Most of my free time I spent on watching "Skins". "Skins" is a British  drama about some teenagers with typical for teenagers problems. Homosexuality, eating disorders, falling in love, kissing, having sex blah blah blah. Maybe it sounds a little bit silly but I love this show and I find it awesome! I warmly encourage you to watch this. It is worth!

about living and pretending that we live

What are four things that you need to overrun to be happy?

1. Eating

2. Sleeping

3. Physical activity

4. Love to others
   When you add them to one whole= you have great basics to live, not just pretending that you live.
*-*-*-*
Now I will write about my horrible jealousy. As you know, I am very impulsive and my humor depends from emotions, ( well, not always). Today my luckiness had a rest or I fucking don't know what.  I wrote amazing essay but jury was so fucking uneducated that they would rather give a prize for some novel about shitty love. (and they did)
Fucking injustice. Morons.  Fucking retards. Mother fuckers. bitches.
Ok, now I feel a sight better. I know I should just shrug my shoulders, but I can't :c
I am too pettish about a honor, especially main. Now this situation left me some questions. Is it my fault or is it jury's fault? Was it fair or unfair? Well, life will show. Ok, now there's wayyy too much hate in my biiig and warm heart. I need to feel about something smexy. But, fuck, what? I should make another blog and start writing something with more sense. Not some stupid things that trash my brain. But damn shit, what?
music, sport, fashion, lifestyle? uhh

teenage dream

Melancholy- what an awful feeling- kills me from inside. Well, it's great that I have super-extra grades, it's great to have funny friends, play volleyball and football. Great.. Maybe I'm just tired (probably yes) or maybe I'm sick of all these things. I mean it's not so bad, maybe I'm just tired.... But I also know that I try (sometimes it doesn't work) to go by my daily routine and nothing interesting happens. Well there are many amazing things. I'll give you an example; when I laugh, only my lips laugh, my soul is calm and sad a little bit. Is it because of my none love-to-guy life? Maybe. I want to kiss all the time, be dozy, but have so much energy in my heart that sleep will not be necessary. I want to do my lessons with love and rush, just to end it, and come up to meet you and tell you how much I missed you and how much I love you. I know it sounds cheesy and sort of a cheap bullshit, but .... Oh, that's my mood and I'm not gonna to plead. I hate it that I don't have boyfriend. It totally sucks. Maybe it would be better just to kiss and laugh but to have not-so-ideal boyfriend. Maybe... I want to hear from his lips a whispering to my ear, saying :" darling, you're special. I love you." Oh, God, it would be freaking fucking awesome. Maybe then I could say: " I choked by the influence of wind". Maybe then I had a power to live better, faster, stronger.
I should read some books to escape from reality but I'm not sure is escaping a good way to solve some problems, probably not.
It's silly.
Why my notes are so short? :c

about a day that I am glad to live

I love so much my moods that I hate them. I am a person with a volcano of emotions, probably. Now I laugh, then I can cry, and then be jealous. Plus: I am a woman, haha. It makes this issue even more complicated. I do not why I am so moody. Or maybe I do know. Maybe I want to keep this temper. Hmm, probably yes. I want to be spontaneous, a little bit crazy and moody. I do not want to be boring, so changing my mood, I change a situation in which I am, and it also makes it more interesting. I hope you get it. When I am usually happy? When I feel love to everybody and everything, either when I did everything great that I should do.Huh, I almost forgot! I love being relaxed after some hours of sleeping. But this day was a day that I loved. I know that it could be 100 times better, but it was good enough to say that I am glad that I live. I really am. My happiness is measureless. What was a key to my happiness?
Well, nothing special at all.
  I slept well, I ate little, I did all the things I should, I got A :) But I know that tomorrow is going to be even better because some volunteers from Spain and Hungary (?) will come with a visit to my school.
What can I also say? Well, it is unlike to me that I have nothing to write. This is why I will write something about Spain and Hungary. I will teach something you and myself.
Or maybe not.. Haha, I only read this. I am not gonna write this. Because of my laziness? Oh, maybe, maybe. But probably I wanted to write how pretty day I had and how life is wonderful. Tomorrow I will write about something else. :))

                                          

Dear God,

do you even exist? I am not so sure about it. It is just stupid to believe in something like "God" in XXI century. Why it would be so? For some questions I cannot answer and this is one of these. As a well-educated teenager it is stupid to think that there is a man called "God". That is why I think that "god" is a sort of energy which is everywhere. This is what I think God is. Personally, I do not think that there is an afterlife. It is just stupid.In my opinion, we, people, are just high-developed kind of animals. Our bodies are created from the best cells in the world. Our brain is the most effective brain in Universe. We have our culture, science, entertainments and sports (also the most beautiful emotion- LOVE). These are what we can propose to Universe. It is a lot, in my opinion. However; we have to take account that we needed thousands years to improve and shape our skills. So where is a place for God in this world? First of all, let's see closer to "God".  Greeks and Athenians believed in hundreds of Gods. It was part of their culture. Then, with time, it was a tendency to believe in one God, which.... blah, blah, blah- it is boring.
You know what?  I claim that God is a God and that is a clue. He does exist! I am almost sure about it. Where is the hook? God is something that we cannot describe. God is something that we feel everywhere. God is.. God is something like a value. For everyone is something different. There are plenty of religions. Different people cannot have the same opinion for the same thing. God is what we believe in and it does not really matter what is this! It is important to just believe! We cannot see it, we cannot touch it, we cannot smell it, actually, it is a thing that we cannot perceive with our senses. We have to measureless believe, giving our heart and soul, in what we think he is. God is like part of us. Maybe all the people, animals and nature are the God! Who knows. The bible is read and interpreted by some many ways. It is your choice to choose which one you do believe.
So, I think that God is like a universe; extensive, unknown, but you have to be positive in all possible ways and >>live<< (believe).  What/ who do you think God is? You do not have to to keep straight religion. Hm, why we have to belong to some group? Because it is easier? Wouldn't be better if we had our own thoughts and feelings to God? Why do we have to believe in something that others taught us? Can we remonstrate, is it proper? What do you think about pretending that we believe in something? It is also YOUR God. Who/ what is he in your opinion? Please, answer :)

oh holly shit

Fuck! In the first try of writing my newest note I started to describing what I did today. It's horrible! I hate write like this. Oh, my sweet mommy, what is goooing on with me? Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I should sleep. Or maybe I should do something other. God, I'm so lazy since some time. It scares me. I also eat a lot and sleep a lot, which either don't make me proud of myself.I am tired. My eyes are closing I need some time to relax. I will end this note tomorrow! Mark my words 07.02.2011 haha, or not.

simple pretty day

Hey. Today was pretty lovely. I wasn't late for school. And my own tutor lent me some money which I didn't have because of me and my mum. Actually, it was more my fault. Whatever. I came to school maybe 1-2 minutes before teacher (awesome!) and in the middle of second lesson I went to my dentist and again came back to school. How is it in my school? Well, the atmosphere is nice and kind, everybody laugh and we just chill on breaks. I'm really happy that I chose this one school. I think that it's great! When I was finally home, I ate a delicious dinner. After this, I did my homework and went sleep. Oh, no! Sorry I forgot that to my mum came with a visit her friend and I just HAD TO listen music to survive. She is stupid (in intellectual sense) as my mum. I didn't want to hear these bullshits. But then I went sleep.When I woke up, I  played guitar, did some exercises, took a shower and learn geography. Pretty fucked up day as I see now. No, it was fine. it wasn't, was, wasn't ? Whatever. I need to straighten out my life and a thing with sleeping. My plan:

This is how i see some things for next few months.Now I'm going to sleep again to write well my geography test tomorrow.Btw, I started to read Einstein's work. Interesting and i like it. What can I say more? Well, I go on facebook so many times per day. *insanity* In this week i did NOT put into learn to American school. Bianca, go on! Ok, gotta go sleep.

My life is boring! Sounds enough desperated?

I do not know what the heck is happening to myself. I am acting very strange and weird. I would even dare to say: my life is a typical life of a teenage girl.*I do not like it* Actually, i hate it. Since I was a kid I dreamed to live in a fairy-tale. Well, not exactly in a fairy-tale. Correcting myself; since I was a kid I dreamed to have a life just like in a typical American movie. Have you ever wanted to have that? Maybe sometimes is really similar to a movie but... Oh, I do not know. Excuse me,  ladies and gentlemen, but my mind is broken. It will be fixed tomorrow day.(nobody knows why tomorrow O.o) OK, so I start to behave like a sw33t teenage "gurl". Fucking awesome. -.-
        Why do I think so? The answer is right in a title. I find my life is boring. What could be worse? I hate it that I even think so. Especially, that I have almost everything I have ever wondered. Of course, I would like to have a boyfriend but my polish personality just does not pass to it. It will work in USA. However; to my moving I have to wait 6 months, which is half a year. Farther, I need to study 2 hours per day, do exercise for 30 minutes per day,learn English 2 hours per day and play guitar 1,2 hours per day. Ok, these things are cool. I really love to doing it but I just cannot stand this constant manner. I am impulsive person and I like to do it in my way.
                                      Now, when I complained I feel like a dork! I really want to do these things, really. Oh, how I love this flutter of energy. I am a moody person, really. Once I am happy, five minutes later I am sad, then I feel guilty, then I am veeeery happy and then I just feel tired of changing my moods.
                                                        Oh, God. There is such a mess in my brain. I need to relax.
I even draw an ugly picture!

5 minutes later.
I have just finished to listen relaxing music. I feel more calm. Better.

Now I see it clearly. Fuck, I do not see anything!   I see it clearly, my life is great and my future is going to be even better.  Now I need just to do my homework, play a guitar and do exercises and other stuff.

However, before I end my non-attractive note, I want to consider some ideas to make my life better.
Well, to my brain full of nonsense come some ideas:
* start to paint; whatever what. First we need to try, right?
* start to writing/ reading poems
* ehm, drink Coke at school? mm, fun!
* record me playing guitar
* taking photos
* singing
* making advanced maths

Right above we can see a list of things that I find interesting but I do it not so often, because I think that they are useless. OK, Bianca, maybe they are useless, maybe millions of teenagers do it, but what? We are talking about you, Bianca! Not about someone other.
                                                                          How I love talking/writing to myself. Lovely.
I do not know why I am so moody today; maybe that is because I have period. FTW!
                                                                                                                      lovelovelovelovelovelove